Memoir Project: A Crisis of Faith

When I was little, my family and I went to a temple or church where we pray to several gods. As I saw my parents pray, I wonder to myself what is god and why do we pray? I asked my parents about that, but they couldn't really give me a good explanation about god, it's just something you have to know on your own. They did answer one of my question though as why do we pray. All they said was to pray for things you want or something as in a good fortune like finding happiness, get rich, safety for your families, and etc.(seem like a good enough answer for me). Afterward, I came to a conclusion about what god really is. I think that god is something sacred and spiritual, something like a role model that gives guidelines or rules to help people in life to find happiness. This is the conclusion that I came across, but isn't the final thing. Of course there might be other people who might disagree on this and say I'm wrong, and so I am free to open opinions if they care to explain it to me.

Another question appeared in my head, I asked what kind of god do I believe in? Well my family believes in Buddhism and one other god possibly called lady of god (not really sure on the name). We even have our own little corner filled with miniature statue of gods to pray every now and then. We used incenses whenever we pray for something good, and then place it in front of the statue. Letting it burn down to ashes in a tray, hoping that our message have gotten though to the gods and making it come true (or so that's what I think). I guess my family and I are polytheism in which the belief in multiple gods and goddesses. We aren't monotheism where we believed in one god like Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. But rather in multiples of gods in Chinese folk religion, where there are a lot of them. Then again my family focuses on mainly two which I said earlier. I am not that much committed to religion overall as in going to temples/church praying all the time or even at my house. I don't practice that much or even know that much about my religion, but I do have my curiosity of asking question about it and learning more about its history. It's very interesting and I love to learn about any history that comes across me even about religion.

Well after my family and I were finished praying in the temple, everyone mostly went to a vegetarian restaurant or held vegetarian food at temples for everyone to eat. I'm not really sure why we only eat vegetarian food on that day, but I guess it's special for that specific day of praying, where we don't eat anything involving killing any animal for meat. It's pretty cool that there were so many varieties of dishes that don't involve any meat, only just vegetarian food. It was very delicious, and I enjoyed every moment of eating the amazing food. My family and I rarely go to any big temples to pray, only like once or twice a year. The rest is at home praying or either at my grandma's house where my relatives all meet and have a big feast. We all take turns praying, afterward just enjoy the day with our relatives having fun and communicating. It's pretty fun having these kinds of events both at the temple and at home or relative's house. Just to pray, relax, and communicate with others to get to know them.

I'm actually ok with any religion and am open minded to any of their beliefs. If it seems all right and logical, I would agree with it. I don't have any issues that bother me about my religion. There might be times when I question myself about it, but it will sooner or later all come to me and I will know. Any kind of religion or god(s) is pretty great to have because it gives you hope. It makes you strive for a better life for yourself and for anyone else.